Date: 23rd February 2024
We will remember this day in a long time to come…it was like opening a new chapter. Before I present the details of what made me say this, I need to go back to 1985. It was a chance meeting of my yet-to-be wife. Venue: my sister’s home! This happened during an official visit that took me to India Cements in Tirunelveli. A casual call from the site office to my sister and she convinced me to visit her at Bangalore before heading to my home base at Kolkata. She had asked this girl to visit her home with her grandmother without giving her an inkling that she in the midst of a match fixing.
That chance meeting changed my life as I instantaneously said yes, but my wife-to-be took three months’ time to give her consent. The only flaw that made bold headlines was I was settled in Kolkata and this girl had not travelled north of Hyderabad and Kolkata was notoriously known for strikes, hartal, bandh, Industrial unrest and what not…Kolkata was also known to be the most populated city in the country and downright filthy. For a person having lived her life in the cool garden city, moving to Kolkata was like a nightmare. However, she gathered enough courage to give her consent and before our marriage on 15th November, we met for a half day engagement function on 28th August 1985.
This was the first time I was getting to know her and getting introduced to her extended family. Between two brothers, one of them my late father-in-law, they had 8 children. My wife was the lone girl child amongst her three brothers and it was one son and three daughters in the case of her father’s younger brother. Since my late father-in-law had met with an untimely death, his younger brother had assumed the responsibility of all the 8 children. What was amazing to me was how close nit the 8 siblings were. It was great to see them stand for each other from their young days while I couldn’t say the same about my three sisters and myself. We were a divided lot ready to lodge complaints against each other to our parents at the drop of a hat. And so, when I saw the unity amongst these eight siblings, I was pretty much impressed.
Fast forward to the current times, this bonhomie amongst the siblings continues, although each has traveled different paths – paths that they have carved for themselves. To this day, whatever be the function, the eight come together and celebrate with full gusto as if they were still together living as a joint family and sharing all the joy. But I must add that it has not been a cake walk for all…in each of their married lives they have faced issues that could have torn them apart but for the fact that they could lean on each other and draw their strength from each other and carry on with their lives, one day at a time. The joys of sharing experiences!
Tragedy of unfathomable proportions has been faced by my wife’s eldest brother, his wife and their daughter when they lost their son at his young budding age of twenty. He was a very smart boy, a great friend to all his batchmates in Goa, a great student to all his teachers where he had chosen to pursue a career on a subject of his choice. He was a poet, guitarist, singer, creative photographer et al. We might never be able to reconstruct where a course correction could have been made to wean him away from that moment when he decided to take his life. I am sure his parents would have made an all-out effort if only he had given them an inkling of what was going through his mind. But he chose to keep all his thoughts to himself. A tragedy I wish no parent has to face in their lifetime.
Everyone of the sibling was devastated on hearing the news and they silently stood by the eldest, hoping against hope that he, his wife and daughter somehow come out of their sorrow…time honestly doesn’t heal. It does make the pain of losing a near and dear one become a permanent life partner with a “What-if” and “Why”! Answers to these questions remain elusive and keep disappearing into the unknow and distant future…
More recently, the youngest brother was diagnosed with a major heart problem which required multiple visits to Specialists, before settling for an open-heart surgery. It was the group of eight that stood with each other to overcome the sudden crisis like situation. Knowing that the youngest was financially not strong to take care of sudden medical eventualities, the eldest had purchased a medical insurance for him and three members of his family through Royal Sundaram. This insurance company has a very innovative scheme where the no-claim bonus is ploughed back to the principal coverage amount. This came in extremely handy as he was admitted for short lengths twice and the third time was for actual surgery. While there was a 20 to 30% copayment, the major cost was covered reducing the financing costs. But as a run up to the surgery, the entire family had to move in at their eldest brother’s house in Bangalore and were taken care for a good two months’ time.
If this is not what standing for each other means, then I don’t know what is a better definition. Between him and his wife, they left nothing to chance and took care of everything that was necessary to nurse him back on his feet. This was when I was reminded of the days when both the parents suffered silently having lost their only son on 1st November 2019. Looking at their extraordinary efforts to ensure that he gets the best of diagnosis and care during and after the surgery made me think how much these parents would have done for their son, if only he had chosen to give them a whiff of what were his thoughts at that particular instant. This brought back a flood of memories as tears welled into my eyes. If there is another lifetime we have to live, then I would wish for a caring sibling – none other than my wife’s eldest brother.
As I conclude my thoughts, I am sure each of the other seven siblings will have their own unique story to share and how I wish that each one shares their experiences to enrich the lives of our children and grandchildren. We must resolve to write and share our family history for its richness and sacrifices so that the coming generations beyond ours will get a glimpse of what and who we were!!
