Wednesday, July 17, 2019

Tiruttani and Sholinghur


Circa 2019

12th July 2019: My wife and I visited the holy city of Tiruttani, which has Lord Murugan’s temple built on a monolith  rock of height 700 feet. From the inscriptions, we understand that the temple was built between the 9th and 10th century AD by the Pallava Kings and later renovated by the Cholas.

Lord Murugan had made his appearance at this place eons before the Pallava Kings built this temple…It is probably a good idea to understand the definition of Yuga to appreciate how ancient the events are.

I am sure all of us are aware that we are presently in the times known as “Kali Yuga”. All of us may also be aware that Kali Yuga commenced with the departure of Lord Krishna in 5561 BCE and this marked the end of Dwapara Yuga. According to the puranic astronomical estimate, the four Yugas have the following durations.

Satya Yuga: 1,728,000 equivalent human years
Treta Yuga: 1,296,000 equivalent human years
Dwapara Yuga: 864,000 equivalent human years
Kali Yuga: 432,000 equivalent human years. We are in the ascending cycle of Kali Yuga with just about 7,580 years gone so far…

Of the six Padaiveedu’s of Lord Murugan (the other five being Swamimalai, Palani, Pazhamudiracholai, Thirupparankunram and Thiruchendur), Tiruttani ranks prominent as the crown jewel of the Lord. He blesses us with mental peace and happiness in this holy shrine. It is in Tiruttani that Murugan fell in love with SriValli and took his brother Ganesha’s help to marry her. The story of Murugan is related in Skanda Purana and as the legend goes, the Devas tortured by the demon Soorapadman, went to complain to Lord Vishnu and Brahma. They assigned Kamadeva to awake Lord Shiva from his penance and give birth to Skanda. As the story goes, from the Lord Shiva’s third eye, six sparks emanate. It was so hot to handle that Lord Agni was given the responsibility to carry them forward. However even Agni couldn’t bear the heat and left them in a lake called Saravana. In the lake the six sparks took the form of six divine children. Shiva and Parvati requested the six Karthika sisters to take care of the babies. Since the children were reared by the six Karthika sisters, Murugan got his name as Karthikeya. Lord Shiva and Parvati came to the lake and Parvati embraced all the six children together. As a result they got one single body with six heads. This is the reason why Karthikeya is also called Shanmukha (six faced Lord). It was mother Parvati who gifted Karthikeya with a divine weapon called “Vel” who used this weapon to annihilate the demons troubling the Devas. Pleased with this victory Lord Indra gave Karthikeya his daughter Devasena in marriage.

In Treta Yuga, Lord Rama after slaying Ravana worships Lord Shiva at Rameshwaram who suggests that Rama offer prayers to Lord Subramanya at Tiruttani for peace of mind and tranquility. In his Srijan talks, Shri Nilesh Oak explains through the writings and works of “Surya Siddhanta” how he arrived at certain dates in history about the timing of Mahabharatha and Ramayana. Surya Siddhanta is a very well respected ancient text on Vedic Astronomy, has 14 chapters and 580 verses. It is believed to have been related by Surya himself to Mayasura, Father-in-Law of Ravana. The 27 Nakshatras position has been accurately depicted in the celestial latitude and longitude. Using the position of these nakshatras as written in Valmiki’s Ramayan and by comparing it to the nakshatra’s current position in celestial space, one comes very accurately to the year 12,209 BCE as the year Ramayan war was fought.

The above historical data gives rise to the most fundamental question: When did Subramanya’s father, Shiva arrive…what are the roots of Brahma, Vishnu & Maheshwara. The story that I have been hearing since the time I have been able to comprehend, assimilate and remember is best explained in www.quora.com and the some extracts from this document are as follows:

First, MahaVishnu appeared in his Sheshnag. He was in yoga nidra for years together. Soon from his navel a lotus was formed and Brahma took birth. Eons passed and only Brahma and Vishnu existed in empty space. When Brahma and Vishnu opened their eyes, they had a glimpse of each other. This Brahma was known as Aadhya Brahmanaha. Brahma wanted Vishnu to pray upon him as Brahma thought that Vishnu was born from himself. Both had a heated debate regarding who made the first appearance. Watching them quarrel Shiva, the eternal cosmic energy makes a physical appearance by creating an Agni-Sthamb or Jyothir Linga. Our Purana’s talk about the eternal energy, Sada-Shiva. Sada-Shiva has no form, no attributes and no gunas. We could hence conclude that Shiva is AaJanmi or the one who has no birth. The word ‘Shiva’ means literally, Nothingness or Emptiness or “That which is not”. This has also been explained very eloquently by the present day Mystic and Guru, Sadguru Jaggi Vasudev in his various talks and conversations on Adi-Yogi.

The Agni-Sthamb told both Vishnu and Brahma that whoever finds the end of this Agni-Sthamb, he would be the Supreme God. Brahma went upwards and Vishnu downwards. But after going for yojanas upon yojanas, Vishnu realizes that this Sthamb is infinite and decides to head back to the starting point. Brahma on the other hand decides to take the help of Ketaki flower he had spotted on his journey upward. Brahma returns to the starting point with the Ketaki flower and tells that he had reached the top of the Jyothira Linga and found the Ketaki flower on top, which he presented as a proof. Vishnu was truthful and likened the Agni-Sthamb to knowledge…saying it is infinite with no beginning or end. Irritated by the lie of Brahma, the energy cursed Brahma that, “nobody will pray upon you, although you are its creator”. The energy also cursed Ketaki flower that, “nobody will use you for any ritual”.

Saddened, but having realized and accepted his mistake, Brahma requests the energy – Sada-Shiva to make an appearance in a human figure as his son, as the universe needed his pillar of knowledge.

Eons later and as mentioned in the Bhagawat Geeta, Brahma continued in his creation and brought forth four brahmachari’s. He requested these brahmachari’s to assist Brahma in his creations, but they refused. Brahma became intensely angry and his face turned blue. At this moment a small human like creature takes birth from his brain making Brahma remember the boon given by the Energy that he would appear in a human form. Soon a god with three eyes takes birth. He is none other than Rudhra Shiva – an incarnation of Sada-Shiva or supreme energy and knowledge.

The puranic association of Linga is the infinite pillar of  Agni (Agni-Sthamb) and not the misleading tantric interpretation of phallus as a symbol of Shivalinga.

Above explanations taken from various sources was to make an attempt at helping us understand how ancient these events are and come to terms with it. At this point, it would be interesting to know a bit about MahaVishnu’s Dashavtara. Th first five namely, Matsya, Kurma, Varaha, Narasimha and Vamana took place in “Satya Yuga”. Rama Avatara took place in Treta Yuga – we are familiar with the Ramayana war that took place during these times as written by Valmiki Rishi as an eye witness account. Krishna Avatara took place in Dwapara Yuga, details of which are there in the sacred text “Bhagwat Geeta”.

Quite naturally it would be correct to assume that both Ganesha and Subramanya made their appearance in Satya Yuga. While there have been conflicting statements about who is the elder of the two brothers, I would like to go with the mainstream majority that Ganesh is the elder one. Many shlokas attest to him as “Skandapurvaja”, which means elder to Skanda.

Satya Yuga translates to 2 million years before our present day and times. I am referring to Lord Shiva’s suggestion to Sri Rama that he pray to Lord Murugan at Tiruttani for peace and tranquility on his return to Ayodhya after killing Ravana. Presumably Murugan was here before the life and times of Sri Rama, hence the assumption that Lord Subramanya was present in Satya Yuga. The timelines can be either frightening or unnerving…for us lesser mortals, three generation itself is difficult to comprehend; imagine looking back into time of such gigantic proportions?

Being a Friday, we were told that the crowd would thin down in the afternoon hours. It had taken us 5 hours to reach by road from Bangalore. We had a sumptuous lunch at GRT Residency, an upmarket hotel and restaurant on the Tiruttani – Chennai highway and promptly reached the temple at 2:45 PM. While there are 365 steps to the hilltop temple, we drove up to a particular point and took the last 50 steps up on foot. Our hotel’s housekeeping staff member was correct when she had told that the crowd would be thin by 3 PM and so it was…we were so happy that we made the trip inside the temple twice. The main sanctum has Lord Murugan in his normal standing posture with his “Vel” and his two concerts SriValli and DevSena on either side in separate enclosures. There is another temple within this complex dedicated for Goddess Durga.

Haro Hara!!

13th July 2019: On our onward journey we had travelled via Walajapet and Sholinghur and hence had decided to visit the hilltop shrine of Yoga Narasimha at Sholinghur on the return leg. We were both a bit apprehensive if we would be able to climb the 1,305 steps to the hill top. It was a see-saw battle going on in our minds till we reached Sholinghur. But having come this far, we decided that we must genuinely make an attempt before conceding defeat. We gave respect to our age and creaky bone joints and made a very slow but determined ascent. We took our time and thankfully the weather was quite pleasant – it had rained the previous night and the sun took his time to show himself from behind the clouds. Although it was pretty humid and muggy we braved it out and took an hour and fifteen minutes to reach the top. 705 feet from the mean sea level…throughout the climb what occupied my mind was the effort that would have gone in building this temple. Climbing barefoot on the steep slopes would certainly have been risky and fraught with unknown dangers. The steps have only come recently. If only Engineers and Craftsmen from the earlier generations had left a detailed construction manual…it would have been so wonderful to know the secrets of their lifting and building techniques. Our imagination is limited by what we see around us in the present day – tower cranes. If only they had left a few sketches of their construction toolkit…we would perhaps have worshiped them as well and not just the Gods!

Yoga Narasimha Swamy is Lord Vishnu’s avatar and appeared in Satya Yuga. The main deity out here is in a yogic posture and just adjacent to main sanctum is another smaller one with his concert Goddess Amrithavalli. This temple was built during the reign of Vijayanagara dynasty. Swamy Doddachariar was the main person involved in the development of Sholinghur temple. The temple was later rennovated in year 1588 CE by the Swamy’s ardent devotees. Adjacent to this 705 feet high hill is a smaller one of 200 feet and the main deity is Yoga Anjaneya Swamy. It is believed that Lord Anjaneya Swamy’s eyes point toward the feet of Lord Narasimha Swamy residing atop the 705 feet hill.

Narasimha is a significant iconic symbol of creative resistance, hope against odds, victory over persecution, and destruction of evil. He is the destructor of not only external evil but also one’s own inner evil of body, speech and mind.

Narasimha avatar of Lord Vishnu is associated with the slaying of Hiranyakashipu, Father of Bhakta Prahalada. The demon king Hiranyakashipu undertook many years of austere penance to gain special powers with the sole intention of avenging his brother’s death in the hands of Lord Varaha – Vishnu’s earlier avatar. Pleased with his penance, Brahma offered him the boon he wished: “I shall not die within any residence or outside residence, during the daytime or at night, nor on the ground or in the sky, neither by any weapon nor a human being or animal, neither by any entity living or non-living nor by any demi-god or demon and not by any great snake from the lower planets. Boon being granted, Hiranyakashipu started persecuting all those who were devotees of Lord Vishnu, including his own son Prahalada whom he tried killing a number of time, but was saved by the Lord himself through his mystical powers. Once provoked by his demonic father if Lord was present in a pillar, Prahalada said “Yes”. Hearing this Hiranyakashipu with one blow destroyed the pillar, not knowing that Lord Vishnu would emanate from the pillar in the form of Narasimha. To kill Hiranyakashipu and not upset the boon granted by Lord Brahma, Vishnu took this form of part human and part animal. He came upon the Demon in twilight, neither day, nor night, on the threshold of the courtyard, neither inside the house nor outside the house, and put the demon on his thigh neither earth nor space and using his sharp fingernails, neither animate nor inanimate as a weapon tore the middle and killed the demon.

Sholinghur temple is famous for Narasimha in a yogic posture denoting peace. It is believed that the Lord gave mukthi to Prahalada in this Yogic form.

Walking down the 1,305 steps was an ordeal. Climbing up appeared like a cake-walk! In life too, climbing up is thrilling filled with expectations in the imaginative mind. But, climbing down? It can be disappointing with the mind not willing to step down from an exalted position. Climbing down the steps was a totally different game altogether. The legs get wobbly and begin to tremble uncontrollably making one wonder if a free fall is in the offing. However, God has own strange ways to keep us entertained. The population of monkeys and goats and the bonhomie between these two showed us the friendlier side of coexistence. We were given correct advice that we mustn’t carry food, water or temple offerings on our way up. The monkey’s merrily snatch whatever you carry in search of food and water.

The temple prasadam offered post darshan was out of this world. We had Sakkare Pongal and Puliogare in the tiny space where it is distributed, because coming out with it was an open invitation to the monkeys to snatch…it was this prasadam that helped us descend the 1,305 steps, one step at a time and without a freefall!

I was a bit worried about my wobbly legs...would it affect our 4 hour drive back home? Thankfully it didn’t and after a brief halt at an exotic wayside highway restaurant, Alankar where we had an amazing lunch, our next stop was home sweet home.

Om Namo Narayanaya!!

   

Thursday, May 30, 2019

Mother


Little had I imagined that 26th May 2019 would be the one last time I would touch my mother’s feet…

A short, plump and a petite lady, always trimly dressed in a neatly ironed saree and jacket with a pigtail length of hair tightly braided into a bun, she was a person with very strong beliefs on what was right and what was wrong. And once she created a perception in her mind about a person or a place it was permanently etched in her mind like indelible ink. In no way could anyone dislodge that opinion, however logical the counter arguments.

Being strong willed is ‘Great’, but if it borders around being fixated or opinionated it can spell trouble in some form or other. Many a time, I have found myself to be on the wrong side of her arguments and found it safer to concede defeat. But since a whiff of her argumentative nature found its traces into our (siblings) genes, we could also be termed as one-track minded. How we wished at times, the Almighty had inserted a timer in our brain cells and linked that to a particular age when the brain would cease to argue…everything would have been so very peaceful!! The journey called ‘Life’ wouldn’t have had any rough edges. Probably these are just a figment of my imagination. I am pretty sure that there exists no family on earth where no arguments occur. And as Deepak Ramola says in his YouTube video “Kashi Labh Mukti Bhavan” - that it is okay to have conflicts with those around you, but both must agree to resolve all issues before the end of the day. Else, the burden of carrying it though-out one’s lifetime can be a very heavy price that both have to pay. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwVe7WsZXyU)

Married at a tender age of 13 and having lived a life outside of her home state Karnataka in Durgapur, West Bengal with my father for 38 years, before he passed away with one year for his retirement, a lot of his traits may have rubbed onto her. It was more a husband’s influence in upbringing rather than parental influence during adolescence in my mother’s case.

Being trim at all times in well ironed clothes is something we were used to seeing in our father. Each morning as he set out for his office, he would make it doubly sure that his shirt and trouser were spotlessly clean and well ironed. This was something that my mom took it on herself to ensure that not a single day passed when dad would be unhappy with his outfit. He would shine his shoes each day as a routine and once in a while he would outsource the job to me. I vividly remember him telling me on one occasion that he had a special meeting with his boss and that I must give his shoes an extra shine. I made a great effort to seek his appreciation, but alas – the older generation didn’t believe in handing out rewards or words of appreciation. Later, when I got a chance to ask my mother what that special meeting was all about, she said he was attending an interview for an elevation to the next higher position. I now don’t recall if he got through that interview, but wanted to believe that if he did get that promotion it would be because of the extra shine I had given his shoes. How selfish of me…

Having lived a life with many kinds of conveniences a typical Steel Township can offer for the major portion of her life, the shock of loosing her husband when he was just 57 must have been just too much to stomach. At that time around, I was just making a beginning in my career and had also just got married a year and a week before my father’s departure.

Living In Kolkata (Calcutta, those days) for a Steel township person can be challenging. Wide open spaces, trees lining the broad well maintained roads, electricity round the clock and an assured supply of water when one opened the tap was generally an accepted fact and thereby taken for granted. Kolkata and its muggy weather for a good 9 months in a year with narrow streets, pavement dwellers, the sea of humanity and virtual absence of greenery can be unnerving, especially with the long power cuts, coined “Load Shedding” in Bengal. To add to her woes, we lived in a one-bedroom apartment and I am pretty sure that would have complicated matters further and made her feel miserable and claustrophobic. To her credit, she took it in her stride and slowly started accepting the new normal. It must have reminded her of her initial days when my father commenced his career as a junior engineer. Lucky for her, she had an option of spending time amongst her siblings and daughters settled in Bangalore when I was at Kolkata. She spent almost the entire summer time away from Kolkata’s muggy weather, in Bangalore. She would be back during the splendid festival season starting with Vishwakarma puja on 17th September (the only Hindu festival which follows the Gregorian Calendar) and ending with Saraswati puja and Holi in March.

Being away at Kolkata had its disadvantages for her as she was far away from her siblings and daughters who were all settled in and around Bangalore. Those days the telecom revolution was just taking some baby steps and speaking to anyone over telephone meant standing in a long ‘Q’ in front of a PCO (Public Call Office), post 10 PM and wait for a chance to get connected when the STD rates would be slashed to one-quarter of its regular call charges till 6 AM. Most PCO’s had kept the Timer/Call Cost display prominently for people to keep a very close tab on the length of their dialogue. This innovative way of display became a necessity when people looked at disbelief when the telephone churned out a bill at the end of the call. There would be heated arguments between the PCO owner/manager and the person making the call. Each person making a call would never agree on their call duration. They always felt that the timer logged extra time and squarely blamed the PCO owner/manager for having tinkered with it, and make the timer log 1 min in just 45 seconds. I guess the prevailing disbelief on our EVM’s (Electronic Voting Machines) had its beginnings with these STD/ISD PCO booths. With each additional minute the heart would pound faster, because as Indians we do not know brevity and how to cut short on our bye-byes…they seem endlessly stretched. Every Indian felt that there was a devil sitting inside these electronic counters/machines, continuously manipulating and speeding up the meter. The fears are so deep rooted that even today, as a passenger if you are using an autoriksha or a taxi service, your eyes are glued to the meter for the entire duration of the journey, petrified at the rapidly whirring Rupee count. Hence, my mother preferred to pay the Indian Railways and travel twice a year to Bangalore for a face-to-face dialogue instead of paying for the Indian Telecom Services.

When we as a family did migrate back to Karnataka from Bengal in the year 1992, she was mighty pleased. But having built a strong bond with her near and dear ones during our stay in Bengal, she continued to spend long lengths of time with them, happy amidst them and enjoying their hospitality and camaraderie.  

Besides education, the best that parents can give their children is to lead by example in being truthful, honest and accommodative. Anything more than these are certainly welcome, but should be considered a bonus from parents. My dad was a self-help specialist – a handyman at home and through him I learnt the basics of electrical wiring including switchboard repair or replacement, Carpentry, Plumbing and Masonry work. Most of the learning happened by watching and being his helper and the only item that he had accumulated over his lifetime, is my prized possession to this day – his wide array of tools in a toolbox. Over the years I have also been able to add to the box and also passed on this skill to my sons, who have themselves added more ‘Special’ tools. We are immensely proud of this inherited legacy!

My mother used her tailoring machine extensively. I remember her telling us proudly that Dad had bought this for her in installments – it cost him Rs 240 at that point of time in history! Having daughters at home, a tailoring machine I guess was a necessity those days. Concept of ready-made dresses wasn’t there and even if it was, dresses were way too expensive and unaffordable. Option was to stitch at home and save costs. What this meant for me was - machine break down. I became her handy-boy, to make it operational again. My school classes used to get over at 12 noon and the only time available for mom to stitch were the afternoon hours. Invariably, I would watch her measure, cut and stitch each time she set out to make a new dress for my sisters. Observing her made me to try my hand at doing some odd jobs and help her. Eventually, I became pretty deft at the job of cutting and stitching myself. During my engineering college days and on a visit o Bangalore, I remember having stitched a pretty frock for my niece on my aunts hand operated Singer machine.

Measuring, cutting and stitching is like learning and practicing geometry – it’s an exact science! Also, one gets adept at visualizing how the finished product would appear or, how one would like it to appear before even holding your pair of scissors and making the first cut.

My mother had an Usha (Foot Peddle) machine which I exchanged for a compact motorized “WonderStitch” from Usha-Janome a few years back. This machine makes stitching an easy task and also has many stitch patterns/variations to experiment with. My mother’s prized possession was a stitching toolkit which had virtually every possible item required for cutting, mending, threading and stitching. This toolkit was handed to me, the day she decided that she could stitch no more and to this day it has remained my prized possession and in use!

Stitching is an art and certainly brings out creativity in the human mind. To make a beautiful idol, if a sculpture chips away stone, that is not required from a rock or a marble, a tailor cuts unwanted cloth from a piece and then stitches the parts to make it whole again and in both cases the Master – Sculptor or Tailor must be able to visualize the final product even before the tools are picked up. In a way it is a stress buster and also  akin to meditation - it develops a single minded focus on our objective and helps concentrate till the job is completed. A wrong measurement or if incorrectly cut, can ruin the entire cloth and a wrong stitch can result in rework. 100% quality work is an absolute  necessity – nothing less!

How healthy a person is depends on parents genes to a great extent. Our earlier generation certainly are/were better than ours. The unadulterated food available during their early life determined how healthy and fit they would remain throughout their days and years ahead. With many mouths to feed and limited resources, it was in fact a blessing in disguise. There was no question of obesity among the children and with no electronic devices, all activities were physical and this kept everybody fit as a fiddle.

While there may have been an odd premature departure or two (my father being an example) in general our earlier generation has been successful by and large in leading a long life to reach their eighth or ninth decade. My mother too was relatively healthy till she reached 83 years and 6 months i.e. till August 2018. But for her cataract condition and lens replacement, the only other time she was admitted in recent years was when an arterial block was noticed and a stent slipped in position to clear the block. This happened in December 2014. One other nagging problem that forced her to drag her right foot was osteoarthritis on her knee. This caused tremendous pain but she preferred pain killers over a knee replacement surgery. She was clear that she did not want to go under the scalpel.  

More recently in September 2018 when she spent a month at her youngest sister’s home in Periapatna – a tiny town between Mysore and Madikeri, she started losing weight. She complained about diminished appetite, exhaustion and nausea. The doctors who examined her did not notice much and guessed it to be  variant/version of gastritis and provided symptomatic relief. It did not occur to anyone that this probably needed some additional attention. On her return from Periapatna, she stayed at her brother’s house in Mysore for a day/night. Her niece, who is an Oncologist of some repute in Mysore did examine her but she too did not see any reason for additional investigation.

She returned home to my house in Bangalore and recouped to a fairly great extent with the medicines suggested by her niece. Matters got worse, when in the month of December during her brief stay at my sisters house, she was unable to manage to stand without an attendant. Her frequent visits to the bathroom made us think that we must get her examined thoroughly. Not really knowing where to begin we took her to her cardiologist Dr K B Prasad with whom she had been in touch since 2014. After examining her he suggested that we take her to Dr Raghavendra Prakash, a young and smart General Physician. While Dr Prasad may have suspected something serious, he requested us to get her thoroughly examined by a GP and take his advice. Dr Prakash was quick to tell us that we should first get a simple ultrasound scan of her abdomen. Leading my mother to the scanning center was in itself a herculean task and full marks to my eldest sister for taking the responsibility in first taking her for an ultrasound scan and then on the advice of GP taking her for the 2nd time for an MRI. Dr Prakash had by then guessed the problem and after examining the images confirmed what we did not want to hear. Cancer of the Colon.

The report accompanying the MRI stated that both Lymphoma and Sarcoma existed together. While Dr Raghavendra Prakash also repeated the same, he went on to add that if it were Lymphoma alone, it could have been treated with medication and radiation. But if it is confirmed as sarcoma matters could be complicated. The position also seemed to be a deciding factor. The tumor seemed to have surrounded itself around the aorta to abdomen and it's two branches that goes to the two legs. He said surgery might be ruled out by Dr Srinath after examining her. Dr Raghavendra recommended that we meet Dr Srinath in Sri Shankara Cancer Hospital and Research Center and take his opinion to see what are the possibilities.. Dr Srinath is a Surgical Oncologist and is considered to be the best in this field in Bangalore.

In the meanwhile we had shared all the documents and details with my mother’s niece & Oncologist, Madhavi who endorsed that we must without any delay meet Dr Srinath. She personally knows Dr Srinath and Dr Shekhar Patil from her HCG days and to this day remains in touch as part of Oncologists fraternity.

We were able to get an appointment with Dr Srinath for 24th December 2018. The hospital has a protocol of an assistant doctor first meeting, examining and taking the entire patients history. When Dr Srinath comes in, the assistant doctor relates all their observation and finding. They then wait for Dr Srinath to first question them for getting the complete picture and later request him to express his understanding of the situation to the patient and accompanying family. An elderly gentleman, Dr Srinath is a man of few measured words. He did a thorough examination of the patient before looking at the scans, MRI and the associated reports. I guess he did not want the reports to cloud his examination and judgement. We waited with baited breath to know his opinion as an expert.

Dr Srinath confirmed that the enlarged and rapidly growing mass had encaged not only the aorta but had attached itself on to the vertebrate column as well. He too suspected Sarcoma. If this is confirmed after biopsy, he said surgery is ruled out completely, because the tumor’s position around the aorta and its spread into other vital and sensitive areas/organs would rupture and this would be fatal.

The next step he said was to admit her in the hospital to do a biopsy using CT guided long needle aspiration technique. This will help determine if it's a lymphoma, sarcoma or GIST (gastrointestinal stromal tumor). If it were to be lymphoma then chemotherapy and radiation in succession would be the immediate option. But if it were sarcoma then only palliative care would be suggested. As an outside chance, if it were GIST, then one tablet daily would help shrink the mass over a length of time.

We took the call to get her admitted the same day for the biopsy and for taking the help of hospitals nursing facility to get her back on her feet. Dr Srinath also cautioned us that her stay in the hospital could be minimum 5 days to a maximum of 10 days. Reason being – stabilizing her health and ensuring all the vitals were normal before conducting the biopsy. However, the nursing staff and the duty doctors were able to quickly bring her to normalcy and did the biopsy on 26th December 2018 itself. She was wheeled in at 5:08 PM and came out at 5:21 PM.

The surgical team of doctors who came on their rounds on 27th December 2018 informed that she will have to remain in the hospital till the initial IHC (ImmunoHistoChemistry) report comes within the first 24 to 36 hours. By the time we got the green signal for her discharge, it was 10:30 AM on 31st December 2018, but 7:15 PM when we finally left the hospital with discharge summary and prescription.

Under normal circumstances 6 markers in IHC provide the complete characteristics of the malignant tumor, but in mothers case an additional 4 were ordered and the final report was handed over to us on 4th January 2019. The conclusion/impression as written in the report was Diffused Large B Cell Lymphoma, DLBCL in short. This is a treatable malignant tumor through a combination of Chemotherapy and Radiation. When we met Dr Srinath with the report, he infused within us a lot of hope that mother may after all get well… Dr Srinath then asked us to seek an appointment with Dr Shekhar Patil and Dr Ravi Tippeswamy, who would guide us through the next steps.

For my own understanding I checked on the internet for more information on DLBCL: It is a cancer of B-cells. It is a type of white blood cell responsible for producing antibodies and the usual treatment for this type of cancer is Chemotherapy. It is a combination of 5 drugs and is called a cocktail by Medical Oncologists and is administered through IV. The medicines are CPR + DV – rearranged and more familiarly known as R-CHOP.

C = Cyclophosphamide; P = Prednisolone; R = Rituximab
D = Doxorubicin; V = Vincristine

This combination needs to be injected 6 to 8 times at 3 weeks interval between two successive chemo-sessions. At the end of the cycle, a PET scan is done to determine or identify where the residual Tumor is present and then give targeted radiation therapy.

We met Dr Ravi Tippeswamy on 5th January 2019, but he insisted on examining mother before deciding on what kind of treatment to provide. We had to return on 7th January to Sri Shankara Cancer Hospital to see Dr Tippeswamy. We were the first to be present at 10 AM. Dr Tippeswamy brought along Dr Shekhar Patil and it was Dr Patil who suggested that we start off on Chemotherapy with CPR (combination of Rituximab, Prednisolone and Cyclophosphamide), considering that she was 83 years old. We got her admitted on the same day and tentatively set 9th January 2019 for the first chemotherapy. As planned the Chemo-dose was pushed intravenously from 10 AM and was finally completed the following afternoon at 5:00 PM. By the time she was finally cleared to return home it was 8:00 PM. We were told that chemo dose was restricted to CPR keeping in mind her age and also to avoid severe adverse reactions that normally occur when the balance two drugs are given.

We were given a whole lot of prescription drugs for the next two weeks to control a variety of side reactions. While the second chemo-dose was fixed for 30th January 2019, we were asked to get her blood tested for CBC and RFT on 18th January, just to be sure that her vital parameters were under control.

We got this done on 18th January and found all her parameters to be under control. When this report was shown to Dr Ravi Tippeswamy, he said that we should go ahead and book a bed for the 2nd Chemo on 30th January 2019.

On 30th January 2019, we received a call from Sri Shankara Hospital that the bed was ready and we should admit mother by 9 AM. I had made arrangements with a local Ambulance service provider for a drop. Post admission and after a routine blood test, they found her sodium levels at 124 instead of 132. The put her on re-sodium through IV and said if they see the sodium rise to 128, they will simultaneously administer the Chemo – CPR, like last time. We were also forewarned that her adverse reactions may be much higher this time.

Although the Chemo was completed by 5 PM this time, by the time the discharge summary and related documents were handed over to us it was 7 PM. My mother accepted the second chemo dose pretty well and adverse reactions were also muted.

Our next visit was scheduled for 21st February 2019. As per the hospital instructions I got her blood tested for CBC and LFT on 20th February 2019 and went to meet Dr Ravi Tippeswamy. I also gave him the complete picture of her poor progress and her being totally bed ridden. I also told him that her body mass had drastically fallen and mother herself was against taking the third dose. Doctor then decided that we must stop further chemotherapy. Moreover, the desired result after two doses were not visible too. There was no improvement in her quality of life. She could do nothing on her own. But he did mention that she was likely to suffer for 6 months or beyond.

On hindsight we human beings are always wiser. The question we started asking ourselves was…whether making her go through the chemotherapy twice was the right decision. We reconciled to the fact that with information available at that point in time i.e. on 24th December 2018, it was a wise thing to go ahead with the chemo since doctors had given a hope that her quality of life would improve. Two months later, with more data points in front of us, was there a point in questioning our earlier decision? I guess not…it wouldn’t be fair to ourselves. But, we ended up giving hopes to my mother and her near and dear ones that she may after all become near normal in the next two months. Alas, this did not turn out the way we wished.

Having now taken the decision on 21st February 2019 to stop further chemotherapy the question on top of our minds was, what next? Dr Ravi Tippeswamy said that we have to make her as comfortable as possible and give her symptomatic medication. Address each and every problem as it unfolds…So for the next three months we kept a very close monitor on her conditions and each day the medicines and dosage underwent changes depending on what her problem was.

We celebrated her birthday on 16th March 2019 in the best possible manner. All her children and a few of her grandchildren were around her singing to her the “Happy Birthday” song. She took the opportunity to distribute all her prized possessions and belongings on this day amongst her children and grandchildren. It was a very touching moment for all of us when she said in broken sentences, as she had become a bit disoriented and incoherent by then, that other people of her age would have gifted land and property and she was only able to share her possessions that dad had provided to her during his lifetime and the savings that she had accumulated over the last 33 years post his departure. My wife had organized a simple lunch for all and after brief bye-byes everybody left with a heavy heart and tears in their eyes not knowing when and how the end would come.

My mother did brave it out for the next two months with each day offering a different kind of challenge and ailment. The strong willed person that she was, always ready to put up a brave fight, it was painful for us to see her lying helpless for so many months on her bed and requiring nursing support for virtually everything. Towards the end she used to be in a trance when awake. To make it easier for her, we were compelled to give her drugs that would ease her pain.

My wife would retire post-midnight hours every night and would peep into her room for one last time to check if all was well. Hearing her snores at regular intervals was a fair indication that she had successfully crossed yet another day. My schedule was to get up by 4 or 4:30 AM and walk into her room to see if everything was normal.

On 26th May 2019 also, when I woke up at 4:30 AM and walked into her room, it was reassuring to hear her snores at regular intervals, but it appeared to me a tad faster than the usual pace. But since she was fast asleep, I guessed it would be a normal start for yet another day and went about doing some odd household chores like preparing coffee decoction, heating the milk and placing the washed dishes in its respective slots. Kitchen in our house is adjacent to my mother’s room and her snores can be clearly heard. Finding everything normal, I stepped out at 6:15 AM to sweep the portico from the dry leaves and dust that comes each night with wind. My wife came down at 6:25 AM and went straight to mother’s room to check if all was well. Not hearing her snores she tried giving her a light tap to see her response. Just a light touch would make her scream out with pain but today there was no reaction. She called me in and asked me also to check. It was 6:30 AM by the time both of us along with her nurse checked for her vitals like pulse, heart beat and BP. There was no response and she wasn’t breathing. Her face was calm and in a flash of a moment she had departed peacefully, leaving us all behind. A victory for her indeed!

It was the one last time that my wife and I got an opportunity to touch her feet and seek her blessings!! May her soul rest in eternal peace!!

Monday, May 20, 2019

Changing Times!


Changing Times: My dad's generation believed that working for the Government, or in a government run organization was "THE" ultimate pursuit in their lives, and so should it be for us, the subsequent generation! To reinforce this belief, private sector was in its infancy and the only profession known to them was to either be an engineer or be in the medical profession – the only two sectors having employment potential. Directly or in directly it was drilled into our minds that all other jobs or professions were menial and worthy of being ignored. So much so, not securing a seat in an engineering college was considered an insult, having to listen to the snide remarks by the members of the extended family and friends.

Like it or not, most of us in our generation ended up either in an engineering college or went on to hold a scalpel. But the desire to do something different remained and without the courage to think and do differently, it all remained a pipe dream. But, a few did show some courage two decades later and switched jobs to pursue something that was closer to their hearts. Such instances were however rare!

The next generation has been a lot more adventurous, we must accept. The reason could be manifold, but primarily it rests on the fact that their basic everyday necessities were adequately provided for, thanks to the conservative nature of their previous generation who believed that money saved is money earned and lived a simple life keeping aside money for a rainy day! According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, the Gen-Y today, has jump started into level IV which talks about the need for personal esteem and feelings of accomplishments. In a way this could also be termed as evolution of the times. Since supporting the family is built into the ethos of an Indian mindset, the safety net and a fallback mechanism offers an insurance to the younger generation to explore and experiment into uncharted territories. Failure, is not considered evil anymore and the extended family has thankfully migrated itself to an advisory and sounding board rather than discouraging Gen-Y from pursuing a career of their choice.   

The process of moving away from being judgmental, although painfully slow, is certainly making some progress. Human psyche can indeed be strange: the love-hate relationship for the underdog will never go away and the mind tricks itself into taking sides depending on which side the bread is buttered.

We must also acknowledge that opportunities have multiplied manifold in the last decade and institutions have sprung up offering a myriad of learning and studying streams that has opened the minds to where the heart leads. Coupled with this is, learning to respect all professions and treating them at par with engineering or medicine of the yesteryear's. This has essentially been “THE” Game Changer!

The strange thing about two successive generations is that there is always a section between the two who are neither here nor there – they lie within the cusp! They aren't able to identify with either, and are torn between their existing belief system and the lost opportunities because they did not upskill themselves with the fast changing circumstances and environment. The "Why me?" thought process froze them on their tracks making them believe that they couldn't do anything other than what they had been doing mechanically for a decade and half. That they are capable of reinventing themselves is a thought they deliberately and forcefully drove out of their minds. Sadly, this tribe of people is on the increase and I say this because of the calls that I receive from old junior friends and colleagues who are desperately looking for an alternative job and a fresh identity.  By any standards this isn't a comfortable situation to be in and the sooner we address it, the better! Instead of allowing this situation to manifest itself into a serious medical condition and tearing their families apart, is there a way that people become open to learning or developing new skills?

I would certainly like to believe that there is...but, where do we start? To begin with here is a list of the most obvious (this list is doing its round in WhatsApp, presently):

Top 10 Sites for your career:

1. LinkedIN
2. Indeed
3. Careerealism
4. Job-Hunt
5. JobBait
6. Careercloud
7. GM4JH
8. Personalbrandingblog
9. Jibberjobber
10. Neighbors-helping-neighbors

 Top 10 Tech Skills in demand in 2019:

1. Machine Learning
2. Mobile Development
3. SEO/SEM Marketing
4. Data Visualization 
5. Data Engineeringj
6. UI/UX Design
7. Cyber-security 
8. Cloud Computing/AWS
9. Blockchain
10. IOT

 Top 10 Sites for Free Online Education:

1. Coursera
2. edX
3. Khan Academy
4. Udemy
5. iTunesU Free Courses
6. MIT OpenCourseWare
7. Stanford Online
8. Codecademy
9. Open Culture Online Courses

I am hopeful this short essay will help people open up their minds to think of a possibility. Half the battle is won when the mind decides that “I Can Do It” and the other half is won when thoughts are converted to action and executed with perfection!

So my suggestion would be: “Just Do It!”